#92 BBC Gardeners World – With Monty! – The War On Weeds. [ Online Comedy Series ]
Oh! hello my crumpets oh yes Welcome to another episode.
of Gardener's World Yes with me Monty Yes br br br br br br Yes so exciting.
Yes Yes I know you're very excited to see me Yes yes yes So yes I'm here.
It's a lovely sunny spring day yes And I'm just out here getting the garden ready Yes it's almost ready for spring and planting yes yes so we need to get the garden ready but er yes I have a bit of a problem you see yes I've had a bit of an invasion Yes an invasion by some unwanted uncouth invasive types yes yes yes The weeds.
Yes br br br br br Yes so Why don't you join me.
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As I launch my war on weeds Yes yes yes I'm going to get rid of every.
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single one of them They can't hide from me don't you know Not in caves no.
Not in trenches no.
Not in foxholes no I will find them.
I'll find them in the beds.
I'll find them in the bushes and I'll find them in the trees yes yes.
yes and when I find them I will get rid of them br br br br br Maybe I'll build a war afterwards as well stop them getting back in Yes br br br br br br okay well why don't you come and join me and I'll show you how to do a war on weeds Ok Right well yes Well I've got this.
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These weeds here you see Yes rather nasty looking specimen Yes horrible bleh What are you doing here? Yes so the first thing.
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In the war on weeds.
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Now what would I do in the military? errrr oh yes.
First negotiation Yes yes yes First we must try and negotiate with it So excuse me! Excuse me! What do you think you are doing here? Excuse me You are not welcome Could you please leave? Excuse me If you don't leave.
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I'm gonna have to go to war with you oh okay well I'm the ambassador you see yes No ok well it's not listening So I think we'll move on to stage two So what would I do next? Ummm Hmmm.
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What would we do? Oh yes.
Air strike Yes air strikes.
yes yes Bomb them from afar Weaken them up yes yes yes Soften up those military assets of theirs yes So they're easier to invade on the ground Yes yes yes yes okay but I haven't got any F16s though Hmm hmm.
I don't know maybe I could call in from the aircraft carrier Hmmm No no no.
I think I'll just do it myself Er oh I know Here here.
Maybe we'll try these Ok so um.
Take that you.
Get away! No didn't work.
Let's try again Bigger one.
Yeah yeah you take that.
Yeah yeah See if you like that Yeah soften you up yes yes yes No still there Get out of here you No.
Get out.
Excuse me? Get away Oh dear Well it appears the air strike.
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was minorly successful and I think we've soften him up a little bit but it's time for the ground invasion yes that's the best way to get rid of them Yes take them out by force okay right I'm going to send in the troops next Right Right yes now ground assault yes yes.
That always proves the best way yes yes yes.
Take them out physically Yes on the ground with troops Yes yes yes yes So I don't happen to have any guns though Which is a problem or any troops So I think I'm just going to have to do it myself.
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the old fashioned way yes yes yes back to you know medieval style yes yes yes old-school if you see what I mean.
Yes yes yes So I've got this knife here you see.
Right yeah yeah Come on then you.
Come on you.
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you mister weed You think you're big and tough do you? Well you haven't met the likes of me before I'm Monty And I'm going to get you Br br br br br br br br Take that you.
Yes take that yes You like that don't you? No you don't like that at all.
No no Excuse me.
Why aren't you dieing? Excuse me? What do you think is happening here? I'm killing you.
You get away! What are you doing? oh.
Oh it's not working.
What's going on? okay okay oh dear The ground assault has failed.
Oh dear Right we're going to resort to some more drastic measures I think Yes yes yes.
I'm going to have a look in my little black book yes yes yes The hidden secrets of warfare yes yes yes We're gonna go extreme on you mister weed The weeds are gonna cower from mister Monty br br br br br br br okay right.
Stupid knife Get.
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Get out of here yes yes Ok right.
Time to move on Right so chemical warfare yes that's the way to do it.
If you really want to get the job done Yes forget that Geneva Convention No no.
This is a private war you see Doesn't really apply yes so.
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I've got this weed killer here you see and I've mixed it into this lovely watering can Would you like some water Mr Weed? Oh I think you would wouldn't you? You look very thirsty yes Yes yes.
Here drink up.
Yes drink it Drink it all.
Yes br br br br br Drink all the delicious life-giving water br br br br br br br Yes you.
Get away you Yes yes yes yes Right.
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Er.
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Excuse me? Why aren't you dying? You're suppose to leave a horrible.
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horrible wailing sound as you fizzle to your death What's going on? What is this weed killer? I thought it was going to be acid or napalm or something What's going on? Mustard gas? Is it mustard gas? No it doesn't seem to be Why aren't you coughing and spluttering? Come on! Hurry up and die! What is going on? This is rubbish Oh this is not like the times in the war no.
No you just called it in and then they were gone Just vanished.
Vaporized.
Yes yes yes This is useless.
Right we're going to have to step it up one more notch.
There's only one thing for it Burn them out.
Yes with fire and brimstone.
That's the only way to get rid Of your enemy when they are rooted in Yes burn them out with fire br br br br br br Yes I've got my flame thrower yes yes And I'm gonna burn you Mr Plant Yes oh yes! Yes! Yes! Yes and die yes! Off you go mr plant! Yes yes.
You like that don't you? And that.
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Yes that ladies and gentlemen.
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That is how you deal with weeds yes yes.
A good weeding Very good job.
Yes ok Okay well join me again next time.
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For another episode of gardeners world okay have a nice time! Bye! br br br br br.
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